At the age of 41, my foundation was swept away by the slip of a tongue at a family gathering of about 250 extended family members.  I discovered I was adopted as an infant.  It wasn’t until I contacted the State of Wisconsin the following week to find out my factual identity that the second swing of the wrecking ball completed the annihilation of self, and I discovered I was legally prohibited from knowing my own story, my truth. Today, I am committed to bringing truth and transparency to all those affected by altered and hidden identities as a result of legal and societal barriers.

My discovery turned my world upside down.  I didn’t understand how big a part of my identity my birth story was, until I lost mine.  At the age of 41 I had a deep and powerful drive to find out who I was and where I came from.

My parents had already passed away when I discovered.  I continue to experience a deep level of sadness, twenty-four years later, that I am unable to bring to resolution with them my discovery.  While I don’t love them any less, I have a different understanding of our relationship.  I always felt alienated growing up.  I knew something didn’t fit right between me and my place on earth.  The discovery and subsequent internalization finally put to rest many of the alienation feelings.

I eventually divorced from my wife.  I really can’t say to what degree the discovery impacted the disintegration of our relationship.  It definitely didn’t help the relationship.  And my three young children were young and had to internalize what my discovery meant to each of them.

Involvement with the adoption community has been extremely helpful and at times a lifeline.  However, at times I need to step back.  Some avenues in the adoption community are filled with unproductive anger and can inadvertently fuel resentment.

For me, writing has been extremely helpful.  As of late, I have been moving into screenwriting and the ability to create fantasy families lets me really get it all out there.  So, if anyone is so inclined, dive deep into a creative art and let the creative juju flow!  www.frednicora.com

#theinnocentpeopleproject @frednicora