I’m a Baby Scoop Era, domestic, same race, relinquished/adopted person, born in 1964 in Los Angeles, California, where my original birth certificate is sealed and unavailable to me.
I came out of the fog 2 years ago when a friend sent me the New Yorker article “Living in Adoption’s Emotional Aftermath.” I began researching and found books, podcasts, social media pages, resources and groups that I never knew existed.
Whenever I brought up adoption in therapy, it was dismissed, and the focus turned to other traumas I’d experienced. I never had the language to understand myself, and the very root of what shaped me.
“Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful.” Reverend Keith C. Griffith
I’ve had health problems for decades, an outcome of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and complex PTSD. It’s important to validate that we are a marginalized, misunderstood, gaslit population.
The question is not “What is wrong with us?” The question is “What happened to us?”
As I learn more about my true parents (DNA testing, my father’s generous widow, recently unearthed letters from my true mother), there are parts of me that are knitting back together. The grief held in my body since I was a baby is, at times, overwhelming.
The fog is lifting, as I find what I’ve always craved. Truth. Clarity. What is real.
The most important advice I’ve heard is “don’t do this alone.” I strongly encourage any adopted person to find an adoptee therapist that recognizes that adoption is rooted in trauma. And to find other adopted people in community, in person or online.
I recently moved back to California, and by a happy accident found a group of adopted people who were meeting once a month.They are my soul family.
Louise and Sarah of the ATMOM podcast host gatherings of adopted people in different parts of the country, and a monthly Patreon zoom gathering. I’ve also been in online writing groups with author Anne Heffron and have made wonderful friends.
There are well researched books with credible study citations to validate my experience. But ultimately, it is MY experience.
Listen to adopted people.