I am an adoptee, a mother, a teacher, a historian and a writer. I was adopted at birth through a closed adoption in the state of California.
I spent large parts of my early childhood carefully building fantasies of what my life would have been like if I hadn’t been adopted. In these fantasies there were castles and ponies and gardens and silk gowns. But what there wasn’t, ever, in these fantasies was shame. In these birthfamily fantasies, I was wanted, I was planned, I was meant to be part of the family.
Birth and death are the most consequential events in human experience. The births of my two daughters seismically altered how I saw myself as an adopted person and now as a mother. I wanted the truth about my birth. Five years after my second daughter was born, my sister died. Her death capsized the metaphorical boat that was my adoptive childhood family. We had an unspoken code: we understood each other and had each other’s back. I held on so tightly to my sister when we were young because she too knew the humiliation and subtle, persistent ache that came with being adopted.
I began searching my answers about my birth but was continually denied access to my original birth certificate. Feeling lost about what to do next, I turned to what I knew as a teacher and researcher and I began researching the history of adoption in America to understand why I couldn’t access the truth about my own past. In 2024, after three years research and writing, I published my first book, “Who Is A Worthy Mother? An Intimate History of Adoption.” Putting this book out into the world has been a life altering experience. Amazingly, through the guidance and support of incredible adoptee communities around the country, and specifically Karen Wyman and Betsie Norris of Adoption Network Cleveland, I was finally able to connect with my birth parents in early 2025. We are now in reunion.