Adoptee+ Trishina Russ, an international adoptee born Ekaterina Trishina in Sevastopol, Crimea in 1991. I was relinquished 4 days after birth and spent 15 days in the maternity hospital before being placed in the Sevastopol Children’s Home. I was adopted at 18 months into a loving albeit nontraditional household in Cleveland, Ohio.

I spent many years searching for an identity, meaning, and of course my birth mother. I attempted to find her on adoption forums, but I quickly learned how uncommon it is to find “lost” family members outside of the USA. To no avail, I would revisit Facebook and internet searches. At the age of 30, I found my birth mother using a Russian social media site named Vkontakte (VK). By the end of the week, I was in touch with a second cousin and a great uncle who helped me connect with my biological mother. 

Reunion has been challenging, as there are often long periods of silence between my biological mother and me. I do try to stay optimistic, and I remain in contact with other family members on my maternal side. It has been incredibly healing to know them and learn about their lives. 

Adoptees experience a loss from the moment we are relinquished. We carry this weight and sorrow, not entirely aware of what exactly it is we are grieving. The adoption narrative says there is only gain, so many of us were never given permission, if you will, to mourn the separation. It seems we may not come to realize where the loss began until we reunite with biological family, or perhaps after coming out of the fog. If adoptees do not have the support to work through relinquishment, it can be very isolating. And I find after being in community with other adoptees, that many of us have spent much of our lives searching, lost, and isolated. 

For me personally, I’ve come to terms with the reality that reunion does not mean wholeness. I’ve discovered that it is a reopening of wounds I didn’t even know existed. However, each day is new, and I feel adoptees (+ all folks) thrive best when we work towards our authentic self, free from the confines of what adoption has labeled us. I am a work in progress. 😉